May 14, 2009

Turning the page back

I was working on this two days, it took some emotional energy, some honesty and listening to GOD on it and following him.

My pride and ego has been a factor at building its defenses but through humility and humbleness brings me closer to GOD, to myself and others.

Who wants to expose mistakes and remorse of the past, but GOD wants me to give it away.

Can I give you some his story?

Grew up in the Midwest, two parent upbringing, one older brother, finished K-12, loved music, was in the band, I played the trumpet, loved dancing, loved baseball, basketball, football, riding my bike, loved the outdoors, the backyard was the woods we call it, and of course computer and console games.

My nightlife was filled with chasing girls, skating, house parties, after parties, clubs, hanging out at the parks, riding the streets always looking for fun.

I sowed a lot of oats early, having a host of homies, and a host of girlfriends didn't know anything about intimacy.

I had a curiosity with hardcore friends I didn't join just hung out with a gang and carried weapons wore the colors, I guess you can say I was affiliated.

Here is what I want to say about GOD, all of that life was filled with emptiness, on the outside it looked like I should have been truly happy, cars, money, clothes whatever my heart desired. Do you know what depression is like, I knew it early but didn't know what it was called.

GOD was talking to me, because I recall it like it was today, I always had a lingering thought that said was this it, is this what life is about, pleasure?

GOD DrUw me into the church using what he knew would get my attention, beauty, there was a woman who looked like Janet Jackson at my job. She was illuminated about Christ, she invited me to Church. I came and heard something wonderful the GOSPEL that someone really loved me so deeply and came to rescue me and died, rose and is coming again his name is Jesus Christ.

I accepted Christ in my late teens, I felt so wonderful, liberated on the inside, I accepted him out of fear that if I didn't I wouldn't have made it to be 20 years of age.

Many things started happening back then, I stop hanging out with the gang, the drinking friends, the girls, and player friends, and I fell in deep love for this girl who looked like a beautiful Chinese Black Pocahontas.

Jesus had his calling on me to an intimate relationship with himself long before I accepted him.

Now I was always fascinated with military weaponry, movies, etc never joined the US military.

See this Jesus planned his lifetime spiritual military campaign on me without my knowledge. His strategy to get into the center of your heart, control the whole person, I keep my personality he wants to form his own character in me.

The word says something like this, someone dropped the seed, someone else watered, but GOD makes it grow.

Jesus said he stands at the door of the heart and knocks. I think he stands at the door and drops bombs, on the heart. Bombs of the word of GOD, the truth which are dropped on the mind the battlefield, the heart to weaken my belief systems, and philosophies.

Let me explain, if you watch our military they begin their warfare with sending the airforce to drop bombs and send missiles to soften heavy fortified installations.

I really don't know my heart, and how it was so protected, I know some of my hurts, but the damages, wow only GOD knows the condition of one's heart.

Some call it having your guards up and being so defensive, and resistant to GOD or anyone from going into the heart, mostly out of fear of intimacy, fear of exposing the real person, fear of rejection, fear of getting hurt.

Tomorrow I will have Chapter 1.

Thank you for reading my personal testimony, do yours I would like to read it, there are some good inspirational, motivating people who are examples for me who inspired me to write. May GOD be glorified.

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