May 20, 2009

Have I studied for the test?

Lately I've been enjoying the sociable scene on Twitter which is my primary social media network. I speak a lot about it, today marks my 1st month of daily activity.
I can tell you two things about it, one it's a good networking tool used correctly it can transmit to hundreds and thousands and millions of people and 2nd it can be used destructively in pulling down relationships.
Let me tell you about my experience today, now every body knows there is that one day when you are puzzled, amazed, and disappointed with how you are handling the day.
I have a couple of good things going for me, but I also have some things that need GOD's strength.
Most people who have noticed my online activity have noticed you communicate often with women.
If the conversation is on spiritual things there are chances that the thoughts and emotions mainly mine are taimed and I can say I am behaving.
Some may know where I'm going with this, today, I have been exposed to the deceitfullness or rather the hidden ambition of my heart, I say I only want frienship but don't I have a girlfriend.
I have looked upon beautiful women, very sexually attractive women, now looking is one thing but I have crossed into the virtual world and have shared my phone number which for me is a no no.
If you have read my past blogs you may know I something about me but if you know men you already know what I'm capable of.
Lets me put it to you this way, someone that is not very attractive or gets my eye I'm fine, and if they don't say anything seductive I'm cool. But wait, I found someone today that was innocent at our first conversation, then it escalated and before I knew it I'm head over heals in unacceptable conversation.
Now let me back track, and show you the setup, first I saw some ladies in my followers list, and my curiosity made me look on their page, I gave complimentary comments.
These weren't just have a nice day comments they were comments that are praising a women for her beauty.
Now usually I don't do this, that's #1, then someone with whom I tweeted with before but nothing remarkable showed up in my inbox and I responded and she responded and next then I know I'm giving her my phone number.
Now this happen to another women within an hour as well and now I have about 6 women total that I talk to from twitter.
This is not to glorify myself or the guilt that I feel, but to expose the test of character that I am facing.
In addition when I saw the comments I sent them showing up on my page I immediately was embarrased and I deleted them, I hope all.
Now I'm sitting here feeling like a creep.
Today was not the best of days concerning my behavior and character and my conscience is warm.
Why all the women, don't I love and cherish my g/f of 6 years, am I missing something.
I need answers and I need them quickly because it is out of control.
I have failed the test that has been setup for me.
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