May 27, 2009

Life shows up

You are very dear to my heart my new friends if you are reading this, friends through the ambient awareness portal of twitter.
I have made some quick friends and can keep updated with your journey as well as mine, which is normal for me if I look at my past, but there are so many that I haven't the time to respond to like I want.
Please forgive me I want to connect but work, home maintenance, friends over the phone, text messaging and I have to make time for my devotional time and close time with GOD my best companion, of course I love some TV shows and readings, and blog sites of my twitter folk especially the interesting variety updates.
Anyway just know I plan on getting to know each one of you who I have a special interest in.
Thank you for coming into my world, it's a matter of time management and it's a trip.
New changes in my long term relationship just ended with my inability to control it or let go of it when it's time, I just don't have that much sense but GOD knows whats best and because he moves in mystery he moved her out of my life and blocked my heart of her coming back.
So much investment but I gained some pain to help myself not repeat it and to help someone else.
Look at your experiences that have shaped your life most were out of your control.
Be Blessed GOD is doing wonders look at him work in your life he is there, I'll talk about it in my life so you can see him yours.

May 21, 2009

Few better than Multitude

I'm so grateful for the few people in my life and surrounding my life interests.
Those who take the time to share content that would appeal to others besides themselves.
Grateful for this medium, and others who have a place for people of all varieties to meet.
Those who take the time to listen to me with all of my imperfections.
To those who leave comments and suggestions and those silent ones who ponder.
Bless you, bless your life, your family, your work, your struggles, your relationships.
I don't need a crowd, all I need is GOD with him comes love and everything even those he chose to create with their creator in their heart.

May 20, 2009

Have I studied for the test?

Lately I've been enjoying the sociable scene on Twitter which is my primary social media network. I speak a lot about it, today marks my 1st month of daily activity.
I can tell you two things about it, one it's a good networking tool used correctly it can transmit to hundreds and thousands and millions of people and 2nd it can be used destructively in pulling down relationships.
Let me tell you about my experience today, now every body knows there is that one day when you are puzzled, amazed, and disappointed with how you are handling the day.
I have a couple of good things going for me, but I also have some things that need GOD's strength.
Most people who have noticed my online activity have noticed you communicate often with women.
If the conversation is on spiritual things there are chances that the thoughts and emotions mainly mine are taimed and I can say I am behaving.
Some may know where I'm going with this, today, I have been exposed to the deceitfullness or rather the hidden ambition of my heart, I say I only want frienship but don't I have a girlfriend.
I have looked upon beautiful women, very sexually attractive women, now looking is one thing but I have crossed into the virtual world and have shared my phone number which for me is a no no.
If you have read my past blogs you may know I something about me but if you know men you already know what I'm capable of.
Lets me put it to you this way, someone that is not very attractive or gets my eye I'm fine, and if they don't say anything seductive I'm cool. But wait, I found someone today that was innocent at our first conversation, then it escalated and before I knew it I'm head over heals in unacceptable conversation.
Now let me back track, and show you the setup, first I saw some ladies in my followers list, and my curiosity made me look on their page, I gave complimentary comments.
These weren't just have a nice day comments they were comments that are praising a women for her beauty.
Now usually I don't do this, that's #1, then someone with whom I tweeted with before but nothing remarkable showed up in my inbox and I responded and she responded and next then I know I'm giving her my phone number.
Now this happen to another women within an hour as well and now I have about 6 women total that I talk to from twitter.
This is not to glorify myself or the guilt that I feel, but to expose the test of character that I am facing.
In addition when I saw the comments I sent them showing up on my page I immediately was embarrased and I deleted them, I hope all.
Now I'm sitting here feeling like a creep.
Today was not the best of days concerning my behavior and character and my conscience is warm.
Why all the women, don't I love and cherish my g/f of 6 years, am I missing something.
I need answers and I need them quickly because it is out of control.
I have failed the test that has been setup for me.

May 19, 2009

Spiritual Speculation

I must be careful about this wonderful gift of expression online, I must take heed what Paul wrote to the Colosians, stay focus on Christ and not my thinking.
My girlfriend and I are soul tied for the past 6 years, she is precious to me but most important she is very precious to the Savior Christ Jesus who died and rose again for us all.
I was hurt over an incident which may have been minor to others but to me it was like my best friend betrayed me, it was as though she just forgot about my humanness. I couldn't just tell her I proved it with my actions how I the hurt I felt.
She was hurt and you know we men can be hard core, and of course my phone went off so we had no communication, and I even unfollowed her on Twitter and ignored her @'s and direct msgs. You know what we do, we try to close the door and refuse to work it out, just stone cold was my attitude.
But my deceitfulness of my heart said now I will seek another.
GOD says no we are not over, my girlfriend came over to my place, she apologized, she told me how she understood how I felt, and that she was wrong and ask for forgiveness, she hugged and kissed and said we have had worse things happen, instantly my coldness got warm and I forgave her.
GOD reminded me of so often my mistakes as Mr Spiritual I have made. I'm reminded I'm on a fallen planet, I have not been transported to heaven and he is still working on me, and still working on her, as he has forgiven me countless times and I mean unnumberial times, so must I forgive her.
I'm encouraged to be patient why the rush of GOD's perfect seasons.
He is so good to me and to you. What a Great Teacher the Spirit of GOD that dwells within!

May 18, 2009

Another Level

Just recently a earthquate shocked greater Los Angeles area, and it shook me and woke me out of my nap around 9pm Sunday 5.17.09.
Have you ever had your world rocked?
Earthquakes are common for Southern California.
I wasn't hurt from the quake nor the aftershock, it got my attention and I immediately turned on the news.
Did I pray, well let's say no but I thank GOD for his arms of safety he does give peace in the midst of chaos.
Well I also got a shaking which was emotional over the weekend, or rather spiritual in nature concerning an area of my life I'm not very strong at.
That is my current or past tense relationship with my girlfriend.
It pain me to say it's over after 6 years.
I'm usually the type that will talk and be friends, but my insides is telling me to move on get to pushing it.
I believe GOD moves in ways and works without my permission, his Spirit works with my human spirit and he works.
I want to elevate and grow, and GOD knows I do, but the person I've been with may not have the same growth, or maturity, or desire, she may be satisifed with her relationship with GOD.
I'm wanting more of GOD, and what he would have to me to become, this means a seperation of what I believed was intimate relationship me my girlfriend had. But we were not going anywhere, maybe materialistically, but that's an aspect that doesn't truly have a lasting significance in my life.
Some shaking is worth looking at inwardly, I thought I would share this with you and hope you take a look at what GOD may be stripping you from and seeing what he leaves you with.
I believe he wants a closer one on one relationship, something I have put other things, my ego, and my attempts to solve my own problems or trouble.
Be Blessed my friends and thanks for being patient as GOD helps me to share what's really going on.

May 15, 2009

Chapter 1

Early on I was told I had entered what they call a spiritual warfare. I remember being so on fire for my new friend Jesus, I spoke of Jesus, Church, the word of GOD, my parents didn't know who I was, my friends began teasing me and rejecting me. My closest friends I brought to Church but they responded differently. I kind of thought what's wrong with me. Do you remember when you first believed it was so exciting the new information if you were like me you wanted to tell the world.

I didn't know how to live life though, even though I did what most new Christians did, my twenties was filled with Church meetings during the week and weekend. I remained faithful to GOD and the Church where I first heard about Jesus for almost 10 years.

I heard plenty of preaching, and teaching, and I studied the word of GOD the bible constantly. The truth was being bombed in my life, Jesus military campaign continued.

My life began to change quickly as I mentioned on my last blog. I married that girl who had a toddler and began early as a husband and a step daddy.

GOD also increased our family by giving me two more daughters so we were a young family.

I did not do a good job as a young family man so I had a divorce but I saw my two daughters regularly.

I wasn't comfortable with being by myself, I found myself with lots of women, and quickly I fell in love and GOD gave me a son.

In those twenties I went to several colleges, universities and tech schools.

My twenties also was difficult because I had such bad habit going back to my night life lifestyle to find what I thought could comfort me for having a divorce and now three children in my twenties.

The only biblical character I could relate to who had an affair and family trouble was David.

What DrUw had a problem with I didn't know I had a problem, was my lack of GOD. It wasn't GOD who was lost, I was lost. I needed more Jesus.

GOD said he began a good work in you and will finish it till Jesus Christ comes again.

May 14, 2009

Turning the page back

I was working on this two days, it took some emotional energy, some honesty and listening to GOD on it and following him.

My pride and ego has been a factor at building its defenses but through humility and humbleness brings me closer to GOD, to myself and others.

Who wants to expose mistakes and remorse of the past, but GOD wants me to give it away.

Can I give you some his story?

Grew up in the Midwest, two parent upbringing, one older brother, finished K-12, loved music, was in the band, I played the trumpet, loved dancing, loved baseball, basketball, football, riding my bike, loved the outdoors, the backyard was the woods we call it, and of course computer and console games.

My nightlife was filled with chasing girls, skating, house parties, after parties, clubs, hanging out at the parks, riding the streets always looking for fun.

I sowed a lot of oats early, having a host of homies, and a host of girlfriends didn't know anything about intimacy.

I had a curiosity with hardcore friends I didn't join just hung out with a gang and carried weapons wore the colors, I guess you can say I was affiliated.

Here is what I want to say about GOD, all of that life was filled with emptiness, on the outside it looked like I should have been truly happy, cars, money, clothes whatever my heart desired. Do you know what depression is like, I knew it early but didn't know what it was called.

GOD was talking to me, because I recall it like it was today, I always had a lingering thought that said was this it, is this what life is about, pleasure?

GOD DrUw me into the church using what he knew would get my attention, beauty, there was a woman who looked like Janet Jackson at my job. She was illuminated about Christ, she invited me to Church. I came and heard something wonderful the GOSPEL that someone really loved me so deeply and came to rescue me and died, rose and is coming again his name is Jesus Christ.

I accepted Christ in my late teens, I felt so wonderful, liberated on the inside, I accepted him out of fear that if I didn't I wouldn't have made it to be 20 years of age.

Many things started happening back then, I stop hanging out with the gang, the drinking friends, the girls, and player friends, and I fell in deep love for this girl who looked like a beautiful Chinese Black Pocahontas.

Jesus had his calling on me to an intimate relationship with himself long before I accepted him.

Now I was always fascinated with military weaponry, movies, etc never joined the US military.

See this Jesus planned his lifetime spiritual military campaign on me without my knowledge. His strategy to get into the center of your heart, control the whole person, I keep my personality he wants to form his own character in me.

The word says something like this, someone dropped the seed, someone else watered, but GOD makes it grow.

Jesus said he stands at the door of the heart and knocks. I think he stands at the door and drops bombs, on the heart. Bombs of the word of GOD, the truth which are dropped on the mind the battlefield, the heart to weaken my belief systems, and philosophies.

Let me explain, if you watch our military they begin their warfare with sending the airforce to drop bombs and send missiles to soften heavy fortified installations.

I really don't know my heart, and how it was so protected, I know some of my hurts, but the damages, wow only GOD knows the condition of one's heart.

Some call it having your guards up and being so defensive, and resistant to GOD or anyone from going into the heart, mostly out of fear of intimacy, fear of exposing the real person, fear of rejection, fear of getting hurt.

Tomorrow I will have Chapter 1.

Thank you for reading my personal testimony, do yours I would like to read it, there are some good inspirational, motivating people who are examples for me who inspired me to write. May GOD be glorified.

May 12, 2009

This is painful but helpful

Yesterday I was having a mental hangover, a thought that lingered from the other day.
What was the thought you ask?
Why doesn't my family contact me, by phone, or email, or letter, they have my phone number, or email address, or home address?
My ego responded with that's why I don't contact them?
Suddenly the thought came and said you just be the giver, without expecting anything in return.
Now I'm not that bright, I knew it was from the LORD, if anyone I communicate with family, friends, tweeters, etc just keep giving, keep doing good.
Don't expect anyone except me GOD to give back, because I said Give and it Shall Be Given.
With these thoughts I made the decision to call no matter what, reach out to as many as often as possible, and don't expect them to reciprocate.
This was comforting but ego deflation as well, just do what GOD says, leave the results to him.

May 11, 2009

What channel are you watching?

What are you thinking? Spiritually your mind is the most valuable organ in your body. Do you ever get thoughts that seems like they are not yours? The seem so terrible and they won't go away no matter how hard you try? Be careful how you think; your life is shape by your thoughts. Choose carefully what you think about. You defeat bad thoughts by thinking of something better. Since temptation always begin with a thought, the quickest way to neutralize its allure is turn your attention to something better. If you are like me, somethings take prayer and practice, you may have to call on GOD to help you because it's about to be a real bad dream made reality and disaster will follow. Find the effort to pick up the Word of GOD, sometimes only the Word will break the power of suggestion from the enemy of our souls. Fix your thoughts of Jesus, fill your mind with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely and honorable. Don’t fight the thought, just change the channel of your mind.

May 9, 2009

GOD is using whatever it takes.

No other love is this, GOD's intention to make your character more like Jesus, he will take you through the same experiences Jesus went through.
That includes loneliness, temptation, stress, criticism, rejection and many other situations or cicumstanstances.
  • Remember no one has been more successful at overcoming than Jesus, he took it all, without falling, or failing, to show us how, what a perfect model.
  • He sufferred so he can feel you, he knows it's not easy to live without a some effort, some prayer to the heavens 24 hour hot line available to help at all times especially when it's overwhelming.

We can also rejoice in knowing that GOD is going through the pain with us.

Ok why all of this?

GOD develops the fruit of the Spirit in your life by allowing you to experience circumstances in which your tempted to express the exact opposite quality!

There are 9 qualities and a beautiful description of Jesus Christ, he is developing character in your life because it's eternity that is at hand, he wants you to be with him not just this temporary time here.

Very heavy huh?

Stay focused on GOD's plan, not your pain or situation, your focus will determine your feelings.

The secret of endurance is to remember that your pain is temporary but your reward will be eternal.

Keep the eyes of your faith on Jesus!

Your not alone he's working on me too, and be like Jacob he wrestled with GOD and GOD let him win, Jacob said I will never let go until you BLESS ME!

Powerful attitude, wrestle with GOD he loves it!

May 8, 2009

Another View

Have you ever been wonder if GOD even cares about you, does he care that you are lonely, hurt, rejected, worried, depressed, or you have everything you like, or desire, but not happy, or you are happy but you feel like something's wrong?
If you would talk in your language to GOD in prayer while performing activities, when your busy or not busy he is able to listen to your heart and see your need for a closeness with him.
He can feel you and know it's hard to open up, he created you, he knows you.
If you will give GOD all your distateful, unpleasant experiences, he will mix them together for your good.
GOD has a higher purpose for you and your situaton.

May 6, 2009

Pray like David

Pray like David as he shared in the Psalms, vent vertically, express your feelings, your frustrations, your adoration, your joys, your everything, be totally honest with GOD, just know GOD can handle you.

Your life is so worth it to GOD, even when you are at your end, it can be a beginning for you and GOD.

Circumstances, pain, trouble, problems, emergencies are GOD's opportunity to show up and show out, it's not that GOD is mad at you, he is mad about you.

Pick up the Bible and turn to the Psalms it's recorded for you as an example, use it for your benefit and for others, experience GOD.

May 4, 2009

Tweeting too much

This picture is exactly what can happen if I continue using Twitter at work, I'll get fired upon.
You know two weeks ago I started twitter and it's not like my first social media site.
I've tried yahoo 360, myspace, and before these, well chat rooms.
I can say I have met some good people, and some good friends, real friends, not a lot just a few.
Well today was my first warning from boss that enough twitter, stay focused on work.
So I decided I like eating, I'll tweet at home, but I wanted to get my blog out there.
I'm just a rebel.
It seems as though something is going on, I feel like I'm committed to people on twitter.
I know I'm alone, what makes one go online and tweet away and get excited with replies and RT's and direct messages and followers and tinyurl's?
It's kind of exciting people find people online, it's a little community even though we don't know each other we connect to each other on the regular.
Anyway it's been fun I got to get back to work, hope to see you on twitter after work.

May 1, 2009

Real Community

Give more honour to others than to yourself. Do not be interested only in your own life, but be interested in the lives of others.

Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.

Humility is thinking more of others.

Quotes from the book of Philippi from the bible. Commentary by Purpose Driven Life.

These things are not something that happens over night but it takes frequency.