Turning the page back

I was working on this two days, it took some emotional energy, some honesty and listening to GOD on it and following him.

My pride and ego has been a factor at building its defenses but through humility and humbleness brings me closer to GOD, to myself and others.

Who wants to expose mistakes and remorse of the past, but GOD wants me to give it away.

Can I give you some his story?

Grew up in the Midwest, two parent upbringing, one older brother, finished K-12, loved music, was in the band, I played the trumpet, loved dancing, loved baseball, basketball, football, riding my bike, loved the outdoors, the backyard was the woods we call it, and of course computer and console games.

My nightlife was filled with chasing girls, skating, house parties, after parties, clubs, hanging out at the parks, riding the streets always looking for fun.

I sowed a lot of oats early, having a host of homies, and a host of girlfriends didn't know anything about intimacy.

I had a curiosity with hardcore friends I didn't join just hung out with a gang and carried weapons wore the colors, I guess you can say I was affiliated.

Here is what I want to say about GOD, all of that life was filled with emptiness, on the outside it looked like I should have been truly happy, cars, money, clothes whatever my heart desired. Do you know what depression is like, I knew it early but didn't know what it was called.

GOD was talking to me, because I recall it like it was today, I always had a lingering thought that said was this it, is this what life is about, pleasure?

GOD DrUw me into the church using what he knew would get my attention, beauty, there was a woman who looked like Janet Jackson at my job. She was illuminated about Christ, she invited me to Church. I came and heard something wonderful the GOSPEL that someone really loved me so deeply and came to rescue me and died, rose and is coming again his name is Jesus Christ.

I accepted Christ in my late teens, I felt so wonderful, liberated on the inside, I accepted him out of fear that if I didn't I wouldn't have made it to be 20 years of age.

Many things started happening back then, I stop hanging out with the gang, the drinking friends, the girls, and player friends, and I fell in deep love for this girl who looked like a beautiful Chinese Black Pocahontas.

Jesus had his calling on me to an intimate relationship with himself long before I accepted him.

Now I was always fascinated with military weaponry, movies, etc never joined the US military.

See this Jesus planned his lifetime spiritual military campaign on me without my knowledge. His strategy to get into the center of your heart, control the whole person, I keep my personality he wants to form his own character in me.

The word says something like this, someone dropped the seed, someone else watered, but GOD makes it grow.

Jesus said he stands at the door of the heart and knocks. I think he stands at the door and drops bombs, on the heart. Bombs of the word of GOD, the truth which are dropped on the mind the battlefield, the heart to weaken my belief systems, and philosophies.

Let me explain, if you watch our military they begin their warfare with sending the airforce to drop bombs and send missiles to soften heavy fortified installations.

I really don't know my heart, and how it was so protected, I know some of my hurts, but the damages, wow only GOD knows the condition of one's heart.

Some call it having your guards up and being so defensive, and resistant to GOD or anyone from going into the heart, mostly out of fear of intimacy, fear of exposing the real person, fear of rejection, fear of getting hurt.

Tomorrow I will have Chapter 1.

Thank you for reading my personal testimony, do yours I would like to read it, there are some good inspirational, motivating people who are examples for me who inspired me to write. May GOD be glorified.

This is painful but helpful

Yesterday I was having a mental hangover, a thought that lingered from the other day.

What was the thought you ask?

Why doesn't my family contact me, by phone, or email, or letter, they have my phone number, or email address, or home address?

My ego responded with that's why I don't contact them?

Suddenly the thought came and said you just be the giver, without expecting anything in return.

Now I'm not that bright, I knew it was from the LORD, if anyone I communicate with family, friends, tweeters, etc just keep giving, keep doing good.

Don't expect anyone except me GOD to give back, because I said Give and it Shall Be Given.

With these thoughts I made the decision to call no matter what, reach out to as many as often as possible, and don't expect them to reciprocate.

This was comforting but ego deflation as well, just do what GOD says, leave the results to him.

What channel are you watching?

What are you thinking? Spiritually your mind is the most valuable organ in your body. Do you ever get thoughts that seems like they are not yours? The seem so terrible and they won't go away no matter how hard you try? Be careful how you think; your life is shape by your thoughts. Choose carefully what you think about. You defeat bad thoughts by thinking of something better. Since temptation always begin with a thought, the quickest way to neutralize its allure is turn your attention to something better. If you are like me, somethings take prayer and practice, you may have to call on GOD to help you because it's about to be a real bad dream made reality and disaster will follow. Find the effort to pick up the Word of GOD, sometimes only the Word will break the power of suggestion from the enemy of our souls. Fix your thoughts of Jesus, fill your mind with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely and honorable. Don’t fight the thought, just change the channel of your mind.

GOD is using whatever it takes.

No other love is this, GOD's intention to make your character more like Jesus, he will take you through the same experiences Jesus went through.

That includes loneliness, temptation, stress, criticism, rejection and many other situations or cicumstanstances.

• Remember no one has been more successful at overcoming than Jesus, he took it all, without falling, or failing, to show us how, what a perfect model.
• He sufferred so he can feel you, he knows it's not easy to live without a some effort, some prayer to the heavens 24 hour hot line available to help at all times especially when it's overwhelming.

We can also rejoice in knowing that GOD is going through the pain with us.

Ok why all of this?

GOD develops the fruit of the Spirit in your life by allowing you to experience circumstances in which your tempted to express the exact opposite quality!

There are 9 qualities and a beautiful description of Jesus Christ, he is developing character in your life because it's eternity that is at hand, he wants you to be with him not just this temporary time here.

Very heavy huh?

Stay focused on GOD's plan, not your pain or situation, your focus will determine your feelings.

The secret of endurance is to remember that your pain is temporary but your reward will be eternal.

Keep the eyes of your faith on Jesus!

Your not alone he's working on me too, and be like Jacob he wrestled with GOD and GOD let him win, Jacob said I will never let go until you BLESS ME!

Powerful attitude, wrestle with GOD he loves it!

Another View

Have you ever been wonder if GOD even cares about you, does he care that you are lonely, hurt, rejected, worried, depressed, or you have everything you like, or desire, but not happy, or you are happy but you feel like something's wrong?

If you would talk in your language to GOD in prayer while performing activities, when your busy or not busy he is able to listen to your heart and see your need for a closeness with him.

He can feel you and know it's hard to open up, he created you, he knows you.

If you will give GOD all your distateful, unpleasant experiences, he will mix them together for your good.

GOD has a higher purpose for you and your situaton.

Pray like David

Pray like David as he shared in the Psalms, vent vertically, express your feelings, your frustrations, your adoration, your joys, your everything, be totally honest with GOD, just know GOD can handle you.

Your life is so worth it to GOD, even when you are at your end, it can be a beginning for you and GOD.

Circumstances, pain, trouble, problems, emergencies are GOD's opportunity to show up and show out, it's not that GOD is mad at you, he is mad about you.

Pick up the Bible and turn to the Psalms it's recorded for you as an example, use it for your benefit and for others, experience GOD.

Tweeting too much

This picture is exactly what can happen if I continue using Twitter at work, I'll get fired upon.

You know two weeks ago I started twitter and it's not like my first social media site.

I've tried yahoo 360, myspace, and before these, well chat rooms.

I can say I have met some good people, and some good friends, real friends, not a lot just a few.

Well today was my first warning from boss that enough twitter, stay focused on work.

So I decided I like eating, I'll tweet at home, but I wanted to get my blog out there.

I'm just a rebel.

It seems as though something is going on, I feel like I'm committed to people on twitter.

I know I'm alone, what makes one go online and tweet away and get excited with replies and RT's and direct messages and followers and tinyurl's?

It's kind of exciting people find people online, it's a little community even though we don't know each other we connect to each other on the regular.

Anyway it's been fun I got to get back to work, hope to see you on twitter after work.